One thing to remember is that there’s no way to really know how much and where Dave’s death impacted your little men and what is normal little boy craziness. (Not in any way to minimize the massive loss of a small boy’s daddy…please don’t misunderstand me there.) My biggest boy is the same age and has had no serious losses of any kind and he and I struggle with a lot of the same stuff…insolence, lack of respect, not listening….etc. etc. I am slowly, slowly starting to finally see him grasp bits of these skills but wow have I spent time blackly sobbing my heart out to my husband over this kid. Sometimes I have honestly felt like I didn’t even like my own son and I had no idea what to try anymore. You’re totally not alone. When you feel like giving up and signing up for Worst Mother of the Year, think of me….half a continent away, doing the same desperate dances and feel my distant solidarity. I’m thinking of you often and watching to see your healing and strength and skill grow as time passes.

It is true that he is broken from Dave’s death, but there is nothing to be done, like you said. God will heal him in his time. You are the arms that will hold him when he cries, you have the hands that will give him the things he needs. God gave you that job. You are doing great!!

None of us are able to be the best mom ever. If we keep our ears open to Him and to our children, we will hear the what our children say and we will know what to say back. God said in that same hour he would give us the words to speak, don’t pre-plan your words. He will tell us what to say when it is time to say it.

Fasten your seat belt. Tuck in because this is just kindergarten. You will need to be active in your children’s education for many many years. You will need to advocate for your child. You tell the teacher what he needs. Allow him time to adjust to the education process. Sometimes the adjustment to school is long. It is different for each child. Joel couldn’t hack it in kindergarten, so I had to go pick him up at lunch everyday because it was too much for the TEACHER, to handle him for a full day. Grade one was no better. In grade 4, I can say now I email the teacher at least once a week. I call the principal regularly to check up on how he is doing.

Kindergarten is optional. If it does not work for him delay him a year. There are lots of options and the teacher and the school should be able to make adjustments for him. Nothing is set in stone. They do not fail children anymore for poor grades, so they can be flexible. Teachers are professionals who are educated in using different teaching styles etc. They can tweak his education plan to tailor fit him.

I talk to Joel about his stresses etc. of school, it is not easy, I take toys away, do timeouts etc. Sometimes nothing works and he can’t tell me why he is agitated. Sometimes I cannot explain to anyone why I am agitated!!!! That is people for you.

Earlier this week, out of the blue while Ron and Joel were brushing Joel’s teeth, the spirit of the Lord came down on both of them. It reduced them both to tears and they began to pray together and Joel repented for a bunch of stuff and asked Jesus again to enter his heart. This is a moment that is unplanned but desired. These are the moments we wait for as parents for years. It is these times you feel you saw the guideposts, you were listening to God and there is confirmation. I pray for these times for you and your family.

You are present, involved and ready for a visitation. It will happen. Stay open, stay present.

Love Stephanie

For me, I only know the maternal side of things from watching one of the most amazing mother’s I know work with her child. Through those “junior years” through to adulthood. I am amazed everyday with how everything that my wife has told me about why she did and has done, said and overseen through all the different growth stages of Mary’s life, have brought such a beautiful (inside) young woman through this world. It may be a little presumptuous of me but I would like to suggest something and I hope that you won’t mind. I think you are coming down here soon and so when you do, please take a moment to call Roberta and go have lunch, a coffee, dinner or just some quiet time with her and talk. She is a really good listener and a fabulous mother.

Me on the other hand, I will keep you and the boys in my prayers. All of this, ALL OF THIS, I believe is in God’s plan. Its not about failure, its about faith!

May God keep you and Bless you forever,
Your friend and Brother in Christ forever.
Randy