Tag Archives: Christianity

With the grace of a kindergarten teacher

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Photo: Will Foster on Flickr

I have a confession to make: I have some anger issues.

When I was a kid, my parents were strict. They were loving, but strict. I thought so anyway. The rules and moral code I had to adhere to placed the bar just above my head and I was always striving to reach it. I was a good kid. I was never spanked (ever), but I was disciplined with a wave of guilt that only a father can bestow upon his daughter. My dad used to say, “I’m disappointed in you.” Well… he may as well have beaten me. That was usually plenty to make me change my tune. When it wasn’t, though, he yelled.

He yelled loudly.

He yelled because he loved me and hated that I was making poor decisions. He yelled because he couldn’t make me choose to behave better. He yelled because he felt powerless to fashion me in to the awesome person he knew I could be, all the while resting the idea of how well I turn out on his own shoulders. In truth I’m not sure if that’s how he felt, but it sure is how I feel about my own kids.

I yell too.

The other day I was helping out in Mini-Man’s kindergarten classroom with their lunch program (could you imagine trying to feed eighteen 5-year-olds without any assistance?!) and I saw the kids interacting with their teacher before and during lunch. I watched as they tried to stay still on the carpet, as they budged in line while waiting to wash their hands, as they poked one another and giggled. All the while their teacher was correcting them gently and moving on to the next task. Her voice never wavered.

She’s soft and firm.

See, she loves her job and is awesome at what she does; I think you have to be in order to actually survive being a kindergarten teacher. She cares for each child and wants them all to succeed, but because they’re not her kids she doesn’t need to feel any burden for how they’ll turn out as adults. I’m sure she hopes that in some way she’ll make a lasting impact on the life of each child she teaches, but I’m sure she doesn’t lose sleep over it.

She doesn’t yell.

Honestly I’d be angry if she yelled at my kid. Why? Because it’s inappropriate and ineffective. I love my kids and I love being a mom; and I care for each of my children and step-children and want to see them succeed. But I have heaped on my own shoulders the complete and total responsibility for how my children turn out as adults through my own condemnation of other parents whose children have faltered. My own judgemental attitude has set the bar way higher than any parent can hope to achieve.

What I need to do is remember that my kids are only on loan to me. I have been charged with loving them, teaching them and protecting them but I MUST remember that they belong to God; and parenting is God’s work. He is the one who bears the ultimate responsibility for how they turn out. He is the one who created them with a plan and purpose. He is the one that will work in their hearts as we scatter seeds of faith in their lives and aim, by the grace of God, to pour out the fruits of the spirit in our homes – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

Notice yelling isn’t on the list.

What I need to do is correct them gently each time they fall short of my own expectations. I need to lovingly show them the right way to behave and then move on to the next task. I need to hand my kids over to God at the end of the day understanding rightly that the ultimate responsibility lies with Him.

I need to parent with the grace of a kindergarten teacher and trust God for the rest.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” [Matthew 11:28-30 NIV].

The promises and the blessing

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Photo: The Doctr on Flickr

The other day a friend of mine told me that a friend of his had been following my blog (yay at least one reader!) and had been enjoying it (even better!). Apparently he said something to the effect that he liked it because I seemed “real” and not like all the people he’d gone to bible college with.

Uh oh. What?

Now I’ve never been to bible college. In fact, I have to (rather painfully) admit I still haven’t read the entire bible yet. Those old testament books are a little on the dry side and I have the attention span of a goldfish (Oh look, a castle!)… but I will get through them. I will… but I digress. I don’t know what students at bible college are like but I would think that people pursuing higher education towards a pastoral ministry ought to be real, no? In fact, I’m pretty sure that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob… the God of the bible, expects this to be very real to us.

What is faith if it’s not real? Is it still faith? By its biblical definition, “faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). So faith means assurance. Do you have assurance? Do you think it or do you know it? Can you believe and yet not apply biblical principles to your life? And before you get all over me for suggesting we need to “work” to “apply” these principles I was primarily thinking of principles such as:

  • Trusting God for everything you need (Matthew 6:25-34)
  • Trusting He has good plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11)
  • Believing that all the trials you face in this life will work out towards God’s greater purpose if you love Him and walk with Him (Romans 8:28)
  • Knowing that we were all created for a very specific purpose; you are not an accident (Ephesians 2:10)
  • Having freedom to forgive those who wrong us because it is God who will seek vengeance; we don’t need to. We can let it go (Romans 12:19)
  • Trusting God will deliver us out of all our troubles if we cry out to him (Psalm 34:17)

… and if that is considered “works”, sign me up.

It’s funny… I don’t quote scripture all that often in conversation. Mostly because I have a terrible memory – I have a hard time connecting the verses with the actual references. But these verses are so powerful that if you read them and allow yourself to just mull them over with an open heart I believe they will speak right into your spirit. When you think on these things, how can your faith not prove real? As believers in Christ we MUST take God’s Word – the bible – as infallible, inerrant. Holy.

I think Christians, in general, don’t spend enough time being real.

I think we are all hypocrites. It is always easier to see someone else’s sin than our own. In fact, that is precisely why we have Matthew 7:1-5. Because people throughout history have been the same way. We are all hypocrites. Now having said that, I believe wholeheartedly God’s Holy Spirit empowers us to be humble… to recognize our own sin. To stare it in the face and to not run from it. I believe based on my own personal experience that if we stay honest with God (after all it’s not like he doesn’t KNOW what we’re up to!) we will find His all-sufficient grace (2 Cor 12:9). We will find peace (Phil 4:6-7) and we will find redemption (Psalm 78:35) and deliverance (Psalm 18:2).

So if our God is big enough to deliver us, redeem us and fill us with His Holy peace, surely we ought to consider all the other ways God wants to bless us. There are blessings to be gained by knowing God’s Word. Dig in and find out! Did you know that if you honor your father and your mother you will live a long life (Ephesians 6:2-3)?! Here’s another thing the bible tells us: “confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16). So on the topic of being real, do you think maybe we should be doing this? As a body of believers… the church, the very body of Christ? Do you think there would be healing in an environment where everyone felt comfortable enough (or crazy enough) to go ahead and confess it?

I think we need to be fostering the kind of relationships and the kind of trust that allows people to be open about what’s going on so that we can build them up! Why is it that we see what we think is an awesome Christian family – beautiful parents, awesome kids, financially blessed, strong faith (or so it seems) – and BAM! Next thing you know he’s moved out with another woman. Uh… what happened?! Why didn’t anyone see this coming? My guess is that no one fostered an environment for that man where he could say, “Gosh we’re having some real trouble and I just don’t feel like I can do it anymore; I don’t love my wife.” That’s where it starts. That’s where the healing starts… with the confession of our sins one to another.

In Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians he says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me,” (2 Cor 12:19). It’s in our weakness that God moves. His power is made perfect in OUR weakness. If we never show our weakness we don’t allow Him to move and work in and through us.

A huge part of what has allowed me to be so open about my faith, my struggles and my failures is the love and support I have felt from my church community. I have been very blessed to find an awesome group of people who really care. The more I have shared the more I’ve found others with similar stories and the more we’ve all poured it out. But there has to first be a sense of community and a humility in the Lord. We have to humble ourselves and accept that none of us is perfect. You know who your true friends are when you receive a rebuke in love for something you’re doing wrong in your life. Not someone who is oblivious to the log in their own eye, but someone who loves you enough to say, “Hey, what you’re doing is wrong and I’d like to help you… love you… support you and hold you accountable.”

Let’s all get more real. And lets start by loving one another and creating an environment of trust so we can openly confess our sins one to another and find the healing God promises.

Please pass the meat

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Photo: Zach Dischner on Flickr

I remember when I was in my late teens and I was sitting by the water at Lonsdale Quay in North Vancouver. There was a choir singing on the wharf and I was listening. While I wasn’t really hearing what they were singing I was enjoying it. A young woman walked towards me and sat down next to me and said, “Hello.” She smiled and I responded politely. Then it came… –insert record scratching soundhere– “Have you received Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior?”

Aaaaaaaaaack. %@#! Get me out of here… I was so thrown by that question that I think I got up and walked away awkwardly without even a word. I know what people think about Christians… bible thumpers… jesus freaks… fundamentalist crazies… I know. I used to feel the same way.

If you know me and if you knew me, say, 6 or 8 years ago – as many people I work with did – you would have seen (I think… I hope?) a change begin to take place about 6 years ago. Six years ago was when I “converted” (for lack of a better word) to Christianity as a “religion” (another word I hate). I use these terms because they’re widely used and they convey the truth I suppose. Not the truth I feel and know inside but the truth as I can convey it to someone who doesn’t share my faith.

Now at the time I was a newlywed. Dave and I had been married in August 2004 and my conversion took place basically in the last few days of the calendar year. I remember being afraid. I was very afraid. I even said to him, “I know this isn’t what you signed up for,” – he wasn’t a believer either – “but I can’t stop what’s happening here. I can’t NOT believe.”

The only thing that stands out to me in those early days is this overwhelming desire to stick  my nose in my bible and not even come up for air for months. I read it every day for at least an hour or more. I soaked it up. It was like my food. I craved it. I loved it.

I needed it.

Surprisingly, Dave was actually very supportive. He had grown up in a catholic home and so he understood religion to some degree. He knew the contents of the bible and just sort of figured he’d give me the time and the grace to learn what was in it if that was what I wanted to do. No judgment. I was grateful and very relieved.

I started going to church.

I fell in love with it. When I’d go I’d want to stay the whole day… I wanted to soak up the presence of all these other people who understood what I was thinking and how I was feeling. I was so uplifted and encouraged to know I wasn’t the only crazy one out there who went from not believing this stuff to believing it without a doubt overnight. Was I going crazy? Was this entire room full of people crazy? Were they all nuts? Am I?

I started going to a home bible study group one evening a week. I made new friends. I read Christian books on marriage and prayer. I was invited to start serving the church in ministry. I couldn’t get enough.

And that was just the first few months.

In the fall of 2005 Dave had his own conversion experience. “Born again” we call it. There is nothing like it… one minute you don’t get any of this stuff and the next you’re busting out in tears or laughing hysterically at the joy bubbling over from inside. I can’t describe it well… I’m not sure it can be described and I’m fairly certain everyone who experiences it has a different experience indeed. I remember Dave calling me up at work and saying, “I GET IT!! I totally know what you’ve been talking about!” He was in tears.

I was excited to be able to share this new part of my life with him.

During our marriage we learned together and grew together and began to model our marriage after God’s plan the way the Bible describes it by God’s grace. It became easier. We became stronger. We were floating on the beautiful newness of our faith and reveling in it. We got through nearly losing our newborn son by leaning on our faith in God together. That experience actually strengthened both our faith and our marriage. Our faith grew. It began to take up a bigger and bigger part of our life.

When Dave died, our marriage and our faith was the strongest it had ever been.

I feel like he accomplished what God set forth for him to accomplish in this life and now he has reaped the ultimate reward… an eternity with the Father. And now God has more for me… more growth, more service… more purpose. In chapter 5 of the book of Hebrews in the bible talks about spiritual maturity… it likens our spirituality to milk and meat. Milk is for babies just learning; eventually you learn to eat meat and be nourished far beyond what milk can do. I believe God is calling me to move towards digging deeper… going further… stretching me to a greater understanding. He wants to nourish me with meat rather than the milk I’d been relying on.

I started thinking about this a few days ago as I was re-writing my About Michelle Evans page on this blog. I know how I appear. I know who I’m becoming. And in the same way I couldn’t stop what was happening with my original conversion, I can’t stop what’s happening now.

Nor do I want to.

All I desire is to become what God wants me to be. Nothing else is of any consequence. And that’s not to say that I am a religious fanatic that doesn’t do anything normal people do in life; I still have every intention of enjoying life the way I always have – running, snowboarding, music, beaches, friends etc. But I really just want to strip out the areas of my life that are of little consequence to my purpose. I believe God is calling me to put my energy into being a wife and a mother. It’s not something I’m doing because I feel like I “should” because that’s what Christian fundamentalists do. It’s a new desire placed right in my soul. I believe God is calling me to serve others in the church and in my community through music… through songwriting and singing. I believe God is calling me to build a home and a family that will glorify Him – a place where our kids will be welcome to grow in strength, love and learn in a wholesome, nurturing environment.

The remnant of the old me wants to apologize for who I’m becoming. But I can’t do it. I love who I’m becoming. For the first time ever I feel like I’m finally becoming who I was created to be.

So please pass the meat. I’m ready to dig in.

Organized Religion: Parental Guidance Suggested

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Photo: bradjward on Flickr

I have been thinking about so much stuff lately… my mind is like a circus! I’m not even terribly certain I can put into some kind of reasonable sense of order the things I want to share with you today, but here it goes anyway:

According to canadianchristianity.com’s The State of the Local Church 2010, “Weekly church attendance has dropped from about 70 percent of the Canadian population in the 1950s to 20 percent today.” Yet fully three quarters of Canadians claim to be Christian according to Wikipedia.

It used to be that families attended church out of tradition or a sense of moral obligation. It was considered normal and a sign of being of good character. Many people grew up believing they were Christians simply because their parents took them to church and they knew all about the gospel message. Nowadays our society has shifted away from church attendance. Our social and religious norms now include questioning every practice and every principle in order to make our own determinations as to their validity based on own own moral values. It’s not that I think there is anything wrong with this questioning… quite the contrary: I think questioning is a good thing; it allows us to really contemplate and develop conviction in what we believe and why. It allows us to seek hard after our purpose and meaning in this life. And I truely believe we’ll find the answers if we are open to them:

For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. [Matthew 7:8; Luke 11:10]

Having said that, the current lack of church attendance has led to a growing number of people in our country who have never even heard the gospel of Christ nor read anything from the bible. It has also led, in part, to the prevalence of what I’ll call selective Christianity – the acceptance of parts of the message but not all of it.

The Rejection of Organized Religion

I hear it said all the time: “Oh I don’t believe in organized religion.” Or, “Oh I believe in God, but not in organized religion.” “I’m very spiritual; I have my own beliefs.” It has become trendy to reject the major religions of the world and embrace new-age principles and eastern philosophies instead. Many people in this world seem to have developed their own sense of faith that borrows a little bit from each religion or faith system to create whatever works for them.

Here’s my question to those people: “How’s that actually working out for you?”

Photo: amanky on Flickr

I hear people claim Christianity but then also claim they don’t go to church nor do they need to. Okay, that’s true I suppose… you can confess faith in Jesus Christ, pray to God and read the bible without ever setting foot in a church. However,  the scriptures do say Christians should meet together for several reasons:

The Bible tells us we need to attend church so we can worship God with other believers and be taught His Word for our spiritual growth (Acts 2:42; Hebrews 10:25). Church is the place where believers can love one another (1 John 4:12), encourage one another (Hebrews 3:13), “spur” one another (Hebrews 10:24), serve one another (Galatians 5:13), instruct one another (Romans 15:14), honor one another (Romans 12:10), and be kind and compassionate to one another (Ephesians 4:32). [Source]

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I go to church because I adore being there. If there were more services I’d attend those too… in fact, I also enjoy listening to sermons I download on iTunes and still others I watch on YouTube. I receive devotional messages to my email and I have even been known to stay through both services at my church on a Sunday just because I wanted to be there. Some people describe me as a very religious person, but I just love hanging out with like-minded people and growing and serving with them. Plus, I feel like I get a lot out of going, too. The pastors there are great speakers and my church friends are like family to me. I want to know how to apply all that wisdom and knowledge to my life; and I find that doing so makes my life easier, more joyful and more peaceful.

The truth is, I don’t actually consider myself religious at all. I consider “religious” to mean adhering to a set of rules, reading prayers written out by others, standing when told to stand, sitting when told to sit, forcing a set of guidelines and dragging yourself to a room full of other equally unenthused people doing the same things in the hope of maybe being chosen by a holy God to receive salvation upon death. I simply consider that I have a personal relationship wtih the living God… I talk to Him… I hear from Him… I want to know Him more. I want to know His plan for my life… I want to live that out.

I want, more than anything, to be who I was created to be.

The only reason I’m writing all this down is that my heart aches for all those people out there who are hurting or who are seeking for a deeper meaning to their life. I am convinced we are created by God in His image; our spirits know there is more – we were created to know our creator! Why do you think people spend so much time considering and seeking the purpose of life? All the while they are being bombarded by messages about how evil the church systems are, how corrupt and how dangerous organized religion can be and even just how uncool it is to accept that there is any possibility that the bible might actually be the true, inspired Word of God. So where does that leave them? Floundering to intellectually create their own god using selective Christianity or some other philosophy or faith system.

So going back to my earlier statement, there is a growing number of people in our country who have never even heard the gospel of Christ nor read anything from the bible. In fact, am going to bet that many who reject the teachings of Christianity and the bible have never actually read it nor heard it preached in any way.

Parental Guidance Suggested

If you’re a parent you might, more easily, see where I’m coming from on this one. But if you aren’t a parent, that’s okay… if you had parents you might also be able to track with me here.

Photo: ryk_neethling on Flickr

As a parent, you know things. You know about life, you have experiences to draw upon, you have wisdom you’ve gained from years of living. You want to impart that wisdom and that insight to your children so that they might have a successful future. You want to provide love and guidance; you want to set boundaries and discipline them. You want them to grow up to be people of good character. So you love them with all your heart and you provide for them and you give them good things and you set rules for them to follow. You insist upon certain behaviour else you will implement certain consequences. You want to teach them that there are natural consequences of their actions while not allowing them to feel the full brunt of their mistakes. You want them to make it to adulthood, after all.

If you’re a parent you know your kids better than they know themselves. You know what way they’ll respond to certain circumstances; you know how to best encourage them. You know when what they need is more love vs. more discipline. You know when they’re tired, when they’re hungry and when they’re just grumpy. You want to give them everything they need – they don’t need to ask for those things – but you want to teach them to be grateful for them. You want to give them many of the things they want… unless of course you think getting what they want will be a detriment to them. You want them to talk to you. You want them to open up and share their hearts with you… what’s going on in their lives. You want to know how they feel and what their struggles are. You want to help them. You also want them to ask for what they want, even if you know what that might be.

Do you see the parallel here? Can you see God as a loving father? Can you see the bible as something like the written memoirs of a loving father for his children, grandchildren and generations to come?

Only it’s way better than that.

Kids need love, discipline, boundaries; they need to explore their environment, learn and grow. They need someone to guide them and direct them and someone to keep them in line. A loving parent looks only to help them be the best human being they can be. God wants that for you. He wants you to be his child and He wants to father you, hear your heart, help you grow and become everything you were created to be.

We reject the notion of organized religion because we are told that once we’re adults and out of the care of our own parents we should not be accountable to anyone or anything. But God is our Father. He’s the God of all creation who fashioned you together with all your beautiful intricacies and a specific purpose.

Are you living out that purpose?

Maybe you need some parental guidance from your Father.

Do sweat the big stuff?

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Photo: Enol on Flickr

My head is spinning from the sermon delivered this morning at my church. It was a beautiful metaphor about bookends. The bookends are:

  1. The Righteousness of Christ
  2. The Power of the Holy Spirit.

Together, they hold together all the books of our life – our homes, our jobs, our relationships, our kids etc. Without the two bookends, all the books will either fall over – at least over time, they will – or we’ll move them around to make them stick but they might not remain in the right sequence or priority. No matter how hard we try, we can’t keep the books of our lives lined up and standing strong without the bookends.

I’m not going to summarize the sermon, though I did find it to be very impactful… but today I wanted to touch on a part of it that got my head spinning: the part about the righteousness of Christ.

We looked at a couple of scriptures, though I don’t know what bible translation they’re from:

“as it is written: ‘None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.’ ” [Romans 3:10-12]

and

“God made Him who had no sin [Jesus] to be sin for us, so that in him, we might become the righteousness of God.” [ 2 Corinthians 5:21]

So the long and short of it is no human is righteous. No one can be in right standing with God. But God made a way for us through Jesus’ death on the cross. He paid our debts; but not only that: His righteousness is credited to us.

What got my head spinning was the reference to our list of sins. The pastor used the analogy of a ledger book and an accounting angel who went around behind us every day noting down our various sins. The examples used were envy over the material things of others’ like cars and vacations, lying to one’s boss over being late, stealing office supplies like file folders and paper clips and cursing someone for being a nuissance in the neighbourhood. He went on to preach how all these things are not only erased (if that were all we’d be seen merely as blameless) but that we are, in fact, credited with Jesus’ righteousness and we are, therefore, righteous in the sight of God.

I loved this sermon; don’t get me wrong, please… but…

Would this sermon be preached in a Christian church if the list of sins was something other than jealous thoughts, white lies, theft of insignificant proportion or thinking poorly of someone?

What if, instead, the sermon listed bitterness, name calling, kicking the family dog and watching porn? Would it still be preached? Does Jesus’ sacrifice cover that? What if it listed drinking until blacking out, laughing at a homeless prostitute, tax evasion and ignoring your husband? What if it listed excessive speeding, using crystal meth, beating your wife  and molesting your children? What then? Would it still be preached? Would this sermon still be preached if one of the sins on the list was having pre-marital sex? What if one of the sins on the list was having an emotional affair with someone from work? What if one of the sins on the list was adultery?

Would this sermon still be preached in a Christian church if one of the sins on the list was lusting after or having sexual relations with someone of the same gender? Would it be preached?

These questions are obviously intended to raise more questions and some deeper thought.

I’ve heard it said – even by some people I hold a great deal of respect for – that anyone who might commit sins “such as these” (on topics such as adultery, addiction, homosexuality… you know, the BIG sins) were likely not saved, spirit-filled Christians to begin with. I find that mildly presumptuous to say the least.

I have to ask then… what kind of sins do saved, spirit-filled Christians commit and which ones don’t they commit? Which ones does the power of the Holy Spirit keep them from commiting and which ones doesn’t it? See… here’s the thing… If God is capable of renewing us when we receive the Holy Spirit at salvation (or subsequent to salvation during the baptism of the Holy Spirit as some would argue) to the point where we no longer commit the big sins as some might claim, SURELY He is also capable of keeping us from stealing paper clips from the office! Even many non-Christians don’t steal from the office, lie to their boss or envy their neighbour’s new car. If we need a saviour to be our righteousness before God by erasing all the little sins, how much more do we need a saviour to erase all the big things?!

It doesn’t make sense to me that a God who created us… in His image… who gave us free will… who was there when Eve first ate of the fruit… who would love us so much that He would send His Son Jesus to die as a propitiation for our sins… would say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff… I got that covered. But the big stuff… well, you’re on your own for that.”

The Apostle Paul wrote:

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” [2 Corinthians 12: 7-10]

His grace is sufficient for you too.

… but I’m still spinning here…

Amazing Grace: and now a word from our creator

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Photo: mtbjohn on Flickr

Sometimes I’m ashamed to call myself a Christian. And it’s not because I’m ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus or my faith in God, but I’m ashamed of the image of Christianity that has been shown to the world. Oftentimes I hear people recount their views on Christianity and what it is to be (in the words of my friend Sarah Bessey) a “happy-clappy Jesus lover” and I feel like my faith has been so completely bastardized by misinformation and false doctrine that everything in my soul feels like screaming out.

It’s not what you think it is!

Today I heard a message from God… directed at me. I’m sure of it. It was as if this morning’s sermon was poured out by God to minister to my heart and confirm everything I’ve been thinking, feeling and trying to explain to those in my life who question the foundation of my faith.

See, I’ve been going through one of the toughest things I’ve ever experienced. One of the biggest struggles I’ve been facing is redefining myself as a single mom, a single Christian and a mid-30′s single woman. I don’t know who I am on my own anymore. To be honest, I’ve never been on my own. I’ve been in 3 long-term relationships back to back since I was 16 with just tiny breaks in between. To make matters worse, I was never particularly good at being in relationships either (read in to that what you will). And the cherry on top is that I came to know my faith while I was married, so I have no idea who I am apart from my marriage.

Sure, I have a bucket list, so to speak… things I want to do in this life… but all my plans for my family centered around my husband’s hopes/wishes/dreams for us. I wanted to go where he wanted to go… I could be happy anywhere with him. What I don’t have now is a dream for myself and my kids apart from him. I don’t know how to behave each day when I get up in the morning.

So I’m a little lost.

In my lost state and my efforts to redefine myself, I have reverted back to some old behaviours that are less-than-healthy by most standards and certainly sinful by God’s standards… and when I say reverted back I mean more like I’ve embraced my failure to some extent and am kind of wallowing in it… enjoying my sin if you will. My faith life has taken a beating as I’ve struggled to pick up my bible in months and have barely been able to eek out a prayer other than “God, anything you want me to do you’re going to have to do through me, because I’m pretty helpless at the moment.”

I’ve never felt so far from Jesus yet so uplifted by his grace in all my life.

I’ve had several conversations with friends recently about this stuff and I keep coming back to the same point: I never earned my salvation to begin with and I sure can’t work to keep it. God knows me and my faults, my habits and hangups… he created me. He loves me. Just as I am. No matter what. And forever.

Today’s message was a giant confirmation for me that what I’m feeling is indeed spirit-inspired.

The Revelation

I once had a revelation during a group prayer time before a Sunday morning service. It was so sudden and so clear I told the whole congregation during the worship service: God showed me a picture of a clay jar full of cracks and holes… falling apart, barely held together. From all the cracks and holes came a radiant light. This is us. This is the body of Christian believers. This is the potential for humanity… the more cracks and holes we have the more the light of Jesus can shine out of us. The more broken we are, the more opportunity for God to show himself to the world.

If we were perfect, what would we need God for?

The Message

The sermon today was titled “The Treasure Within”. The main point was from 2 Corinthians 4:7 – “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.”

It was about the broken clay jar.

“Spiritual growth is not a straight journey from weakness to power… but a journey in both weakness and power. (…) We all see things in our life that show us how far short we fall from the ideals of holiness and the ideals of wholeness (…) It’s at times like that we need to embrace again the gospel of grace.”

“We’re fallible. We’re human. (…) God will use each one of us to do remarkable things. (…) There’s no place for pride; there’s no place for self-reliance if you understand the treasure in the earthen vessel – that we must understand our limitations. (…) We must not be surprised by our own failures. (…) God will use every failure … and he will bring out of that new growth.”

“Four areas of concern…

1) Applauded temptations/addictions: Not all temptations prickle with danger… some things look very virtuous: perfectionism… how legal we become. Workaholism… busyness… The greatest sin is not your failure, it’s your presumption that we can succeed without full dependency on Christ. Our goal is maturity, not perfectionism… God is more interested in your love than your perfectionism.

2) Inconsistency in reading scripture and prayer: Inspiration and enthusiasm wear out… take your hands off yourself, submit yourself to the Lord. It’s not a matter of willpower. That will always run short… what it is, is embracing the power of a vision… who God is calling us to be in Christ Jesus. There will be frequent lapses… half the time we’re just plain lazy… Just offer yourself to the Lord. “Lord, this is what I am unless you help me.”

3) Comparing ourselves to others: One of the most common tendencies is to idealize other peoples’ experience… we may think they don’t have any problems… God is never in a hurry. He’s at work in you… if things don’t seem to be happening fast for you, you’re normal.

4) Looking for a zap rather than knowing Christ in a greater way: Many people crave for revival… that’s not my purpose. My purpose is to know him better… growth is slow and steady.”

“How God uses our imperfections…

Our imperfection discloses our helplessness apart from the Lord… God uses our imperfections to cultivate an honourable humility… there’s no room for any kind of pride. God shows us our limits through our failure… an honourable humility, which often the church lacks… there’s nothing about the vessel for us to be bragging about. God uses our imperfections (…) to stimulate my patience and gentleness with others… people carry a lot of loads… our imperfections drive us in to the arms of grace.”

“Through the cracks, people can see the treasure.”

[Download the full sermon: Pastor Owen Scott - Lynn Valley Full Gospel Church]

Closing Thoughts

If anyone who professes to be a Christian claims to be without sin I’m calling them out right now. They’re lying.

Christians flip the bird at other drivers. Christians drink too much. Christians use drugs. Christians use foul language. Christians lust, watch porn and have affairs. Christians lie and cheat. Christians hold grudges. Christians can be downright mean… I could go on… and on… and on…

I believe with all my heart that God just wants me to be honest with him about where I’m at. That’s it. The moment I try to hide myself is the moment my faith begins to crumble. But even in my failures and my weakness, as long as I’m continuing in my communion with God in an honest way, he will be near.

And I can still see his works in my life.

I can see his love poured out on me when I needed help most. I can see how God prepared my heart and my household for Dave’s death. I can see answers to my prayers – even if they’re few and far between. I can see my life moving towards the direction I’m destined for. I can see people blessed by me and TRUST ME… it’s not because of anything I do.

I’m involved in ministry and considered stepping away from service because of how I’ve been behaving lately… but one morning last week I sat down and just started to praise God. He IS still God, after all. And I heard his voice… “Don’t stop praising.”

God moves in mysterious ways… but no one will be without sin in this lifetime. Grace was made for lives like ours… and God is still God.

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Phillipians 1:6