Tag Archives: Friends

Praying my heart out

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Photo: Takras on Flickr

I have many friends. In fact, I count myself blessed to have such a multitude of amazing people in my life. Today, however, there’s one friend I’m thinking about. I can’t get her off my mind. My heart has been aching for her for the last four days.

See, this friend of mine has asked for my help… she asked for a favor:

She asked me to pray.

I am humbled and honored that she would come to me. That she would ask me to lend her my faith in her time of need, I believe, speaks to the power of God in my life and in hers. I have prayed for her several times since I received that email.  The bible tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 to “pray continually”. I believe the reason I can’t stop thinking about my friend and her circumstances is the Holy Spirit of God reminding me to pray for her.

My friend is pregnant. And scared. There are complications.

I hear people say all the time, “God never gives you more than you can handle.” That’s not true. I’m convinced that God will give you infinitely more than you can handle on your own in this life. I’m convinced that God will allow you to experience deep hurts or horrifying fears in order to draw your attention to Him. He will absolutely give you more than you can handle.

But He is more than able and willing to carry our burdens for us… to be our strength when we are weak. Jesus said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” [2 Corinthians 12:19] The truth is, God will never give you more than you can handle WITH HIM.

Jesus tells us, in the book of John, chapter 15 and verse 5, “apart from me, you can do nothing.” But in Matthew 19, verse 26 we read, “with God all things are possible.” Oh how beautiful are those words… He is more than willing to carry you through your fears and your pains and take up all the weight of what is hurting you:

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” [Matthew 11:28-30]

Through all of life’s trials I think my favorite verses of the entire bible are these:

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” [Phil 4:6-7]

I have known that peace.

Tonight, my prayer for my friend is that she would come to know that peace as well. I wanted to share this prayer, so that those of you reading it might also join me in faith as she is going for some testing tomorrow:

Heavenly Father, Creator God… tonight I bring you my friend. You know her, Lord. You know everything about her. You created Her just as she is for just this moment. Father, as your Word says, you created her inmost being. You knit her together in her mother’s womb… just as you have this tiny baby in her own. Father, God, I trust in your sovereignty. I trust that you ARE love (1 John 4:8). I trust that you have created my friend and her baby for a specific purpose. I pray, Lord, that you would show her your amazing grace through this trial. I pray, Lord, that you would shower her with your mercy right now. I pray, Lord, that you would make your nearness known to her… that you would reveal yourself to her in a way she has never known. I pray, Father, that you would take her mustard seed of faith and let her see the power of that faith move even this mountain that lies before her. Overwhelm her with your peace and surround her with your joy, Lord, as only you can. Heavenly Father, I pray for your favor on her baby. Father, you are merciful [Luke 6:36]. I pray for your mercy in this pregnancy… that this baby, whom she already loves with an unending love, would be healthy and thriving. I pray that you would bless my friend with the best doctors, nurses and technicians and that your hand would guide every move, every decision that would be made for this new little life. I pray also for her husband and the strength and solidarity in her marriage. I pray for her family also, that they would be united with a holy love and compassion for one another and for this baby. Lord, I pray for a powerful movement of your Holy Spirit to work a miracle that will see you glorified in it. Father, as I pray right now, please heal the broken places. Mend the weaknesses and let your power be known. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Time Stands Still – The Story Continues

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Photo: Ruud Raats on Flickr

Three months.

It feels like forever and it feels like just yesterday. This weekend marks three months since Dave died and here is the continuation of my story. While most of the time I’ve felt fairly peaceful, this weekend was hard. It was shaping up to be a fantastic weekend: I had two music rehearsals on Saturday and was doing the music for my church on Sunday. I love a weekend full of music… something about it is so soothing.

Saturday morning started out well. I got mini-man settled at a friend’s house for a play date then took mini-boy to the church where another friend was going to spend the morning with him while I attended my rehearsals. I then headed up to school where the Black Bear Band was meeting for our final rehearsal before our last gig of the season – the Ladner Band Festival (gotta love the website – 1996 word art, but I digress…) on June 12th. Rehearsing wasn’t the reason I was attending, though… see, our music director – one of the top names in music instruction in the Vancouver area for the last 30 years or so – is leaving us and one of the band members composed a tribute piece in his honour. Saturday was the day we surprised him by performing it for him. To be honest, I was more emotional than I thought I’d be. While the band will, of course, go on, doing so without our fearless leader will be a real shift for us… but such is life I suppose.

So after the tribute piece was presented I had to jet to get to the church for my rehearsal for Sunday. I love singing with these guys… I’ve written before about how music affects me, but even amidst life’s trials, I feel like I was created to make music for God. Like that’s why he made me.

Sidenote: It’s so strange when I think back about it… when I was young – maybe in my teens – I did one of those career quizzes… the ones that tell you based on your likes and dislikes, interests and abilities, what you should consider doing for a living. Well the first suggestion was “Composer” and the second was “Music Director”… I thought, “Yeah… sure. You got the wrong girl.” But here I am some 20 years later writing music. Funny that.

After my rehearsal at the church I heard the Black Bear Band had gotten together at the pub… SOP after rehearsals and I was suddenly sad I couldn’t join them because I had mini-boy with me. I wanted so badly to spend a little more time with them before we break for the summer, but also found myself feeling very lonely given that I couldn’t get my mind off missing Dave. I wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by friends and laughter. I ended up letting the baby nap in the car while I ate take-out sushi and listened to some music in the mall parking lot. Yep, really exciting. All the while wishing I had some people to hang out with on this now beautiful day.

I cried.

I don’t cry often. I cry mostly when I’m stressed or frustrated… and I cry when I’m overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. But not usually for sadness; it’s very weird I guess. Maybe I just avoid it. It makes me uncomfortable. In addition to having two kids who keep me extremely busy most of the time, I’ve filled my life with sweet distraction… most likely to avoid facing the fact that Dave is, in fact, gone. Sometimes I still don’t believe it. Sometimes I feel like I didn’t love him enough though I know I loved him with all of me. I still do… and I see him in my babies. I can’t imagine ever not missing him terribly.

Many of my friends and family have been wonderful… some people I barely knew before March have been my biggest supporters and some people I thought would be there for me have been noticeably absent. My new friend Brenda has been a God-send to me. She has three kids of her own and the oldest is 4 ( a great match to play with my 4 year old – win!), yet she is so willing to take the kids for me when I need to go to appointments or even just out for a run. We have great conversations and I feel like I can tell her anything without fear of judgement. She has really made this much easier on me… I only hope that she doesn’t tire of me and my requests and that one day I’ll be able to repay her or at least pay it forward.

I’ve become very wary of single men. I have had a couple of single male friends who have just given me a vibe that made me uncomfortable and, while I am absolutely craving male attention, I don’t want to even put myself in the position to have someone seek out something I am completely unprepared to give. I am in no way, shape, or form “on the market”. So mostly I’m avoiding men altogether… even my friends. Even when I do find myself in a position to want to date again… the field is narrow my friends. Very. Narrow.

So for now I’m swinging between writing and playing music, staying active by getting to the gym and out to run as often as I can, learning to be a better mother (I picked up new art supplies and, get this… baking supplies just the other day for the next rainy afternoon at home), and avoiding my emotional reality at all costs.

We’ll see what the next month brings.

If you’re new to my blog or have just stumbled upon it through a search engine, you can read all the entries about the death of my husband here.

Champions "Social Night"

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I’m not much of a socialite. I’m a little more socially-awkward, nerdy girl with a strange combination of Type A personality and shyness… it’s hard to explain. It often gets mistaken for UBER-snobby, but really I just don’t feel comfortable making conversation with people I don’t know very well unless it’s for business and we have something specific to talk about.

So Thursday night at kickboxing I was reminded of the planned “Champions Social Night” by a few equally unsure individuals who asked if I was going, presumably to know if there would at least be someone there they didn’t feel horrified to try to have a conversation with.

I’ve been training at Champions for something like 8 years now. I’ve basically lost count. The truth is, though, that although I’ve known the people I train with for that time, I’ve not truely gotten to really *know* any of them. Those I did get close with don’t train anymore. To make matters worse, in the last 3 years I’ve taken a collective year and a half off, so friendships have formed and tight-knit clicks abound.

A few people asked me if I would go (the self-critical me figures it was likely out of politeness only) and so I reluctantly agreed to step in and check it out. I arrived WAY too early; I thought it was to start at 7:30 or 8pm… yeah, checking the details would have been a good way to go, but that’s just not my style these days. So I arrived at 8:30 thinking I’d be there late enough to at least be inconspicuous as I enter. Not so. I was the first person there other than Champions staff… nice. That doesn’t make a wall-flower type cringe at all…

Thank GOD for small miracles, one of the gals at the club I’ve been closer to in the last few years showed up relatively soon after I did, so we had a lovely chat. I came to find out she’s got a regular role on Stargate Atlantis, so I now have to watch it even though I don’t like science fiction shows, but it’s just really cool seeing someone you know on TV. Anyway, I digress…

I ended up having a super fun time, more to drink than I’d like to admit, and didn’t get home until 2am even though Mini-Man gets me up well before 6am on a daily basis. Other than being a little tired today (okay, well… a lot tired) I felt pretty good. Not like cardio-class Saturday good, but able-to-drag-myself-and-my-toddler-through-Superstore-for-our-weekly-grocery-shopping-trip good. So at least that was something.

I cringe at the thought of some of the photos that were taken. Something about drinks and dancing makes you feel likely more attractive than you really are. I don’t really want the reality check, thank you very much.

Whistler Weekend 2008

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So I finally made it out to my friend Mrs. Little’s annual Whistler Girls’ Weekend… what a fun time! Who knew I’d still enjoy squeezing 17 women into 3 hotel rooms for a weekend of silliness in my 30′s? I also finally spent some real time with my new-found half sister – I mean, more than just going for coffee, which was nice. I met her last year after searching for my birth mother and it’s been very cool getting to know her; she’s a fantastic girl and I really admire her.
Anyway… we got to Whistler about 4pm on Friday the 27th and proceeded to ditch the car with the valet. No need for it when you’re staying a stone’s throw from everything in the village. We found our rooms, settled in a little and proceeded to socialize around the penis-shaped chip plate as the ladies arrived until our dinner reservation at 7pm. Dinner was awful lol… I mean I didn’t really care much, but Mrs. Little herself was mistakenly served a beef burger when she’s a vegetarian. EEW… she wasn’t at all impressed. The bellini’s were good though.

I’m not sure if it’s a function of age or something else, but I honestly have no recollection of what took place after dinner on the Friday night *shrug*.
Saturday we got up, got cleaned up, had coffee (no shortage of great coffee shops in Whistler) and went shopping. I spent some good money that I don’t have on things I don’t need, so all in all a successful shopping outing. After shopping we hit the pool with some refreshments in hand and got friendly with a series of sexy white loungers. The afternoon was made complete with a nap and another shower before attending the pre-bar party…

The pre-bar party began at 6pm with more refreshments, a rousing game of “pass the purple penis”, party favours and “how dirty are you” style drinking games… you’d have thought someone was about to be married, but no… this was all just for fun. After the pre-bar party we went to Buffalo Bills for some more refreshments and dancing. The music was awful but we made the most of it…
Those of us no longer used to the bar-star party life left the club at a rediculously early hour and went back to one of the rooms to order pizza and have civilized converstation for the rest of the night. I spent a short but not insignificant amount of time worried about New Young Sister and whether or not she was out on the town alone or if she had a room key, but all was well… she stumbled in at 2am and the photos showed she was well and had a great time…

Sunday morning we all pulled ourselves together and with comfy clothes as the order of the day, made our way to the closest coffee shop to soak up the last of the sun (not to mention caffeine, and ginger ale for those less-fortunate) before piling into our caravan of carpool arrangements to make our way to our final stop – breakfast at White Spot in Squamish.
I arrived home around 1pm on Sunday to hugs and kisses from both Big Man and Little Man. My two greatest loves. Life is good.
Can’t wait to do it again next year…