Photo: mumchancegaloot on Flickr

I have been writing music for quite some time now, meeting with a group of friends and collaborating to create. I suppose it’s almost shameful to say it’s been nearly 3 years that I’ve been doing this because I have yet to really share anything of what I’ve written with even my friends let alone the public at large. It’s just that doing so feels like that dream… the one where you’re at school and you realize you’ve forgotten to put any clothes on at all. So there you are standing stark naked in front of hundreds of children laughing at you. Yeah… I’ve had that dream.

But this has been a long time in the making.

Long before I became a Christian I was drawn to gospel-centred music. I went to a Christian camp when I was 12 years old; it’s where I first heard the gospel. I’d never been to a church before and had no idea what they were talking about to be honest. But I did love the music. And there was a guy at this camp that had recorded a tape of his own original Christian music and I bought it. I left there listening to it day in and day out… the messages were beautiful.

When I was 16 I worked a part time job with a Christian woman who always played Christian music in our work area – again, I loved it. She turned me on to Amy Grant. Actually, I came to love Amy Grant’s Christmas tape (yes, dating myself I know… what are tapes?!) and listened to it every Christmas for years to come. In fact, any time I heard gospel music I couldn’t help but be drawn to it.

Something about it just captivated me… actually it continues to captivate me.

When I came to faith at the beginning of 2005 I found myself in a very vibrant church. From the moment I walked in the first time, the music spoke right into my heart and I knew I’d come to the right place. Within 6 months I was asked to join the music ministry there and sing with one of the worship bands and I’ve been so blessed. I’ve also made some amazing friends who have become my collaborators over the last few years now.

I think it was late 2008 when I started meeting every other week at a friend’s house to write with 3 friends. It became our de facto home group church meeting – we would have coffee and cookies, talk about stuff, create some music and pray together. These guys have become a huge part of my life… like brothers to me.

See… I love to write music. I get inspired with lyrics and melodies and can hear in my head what chords I want to put to them to an extent, but my musical background is 25 years of playing the trumpet. That’s not exactly conducive to writing contemporary pop music though I think it lends itself well to hearing all the melodies, harmonies and counter-melodies all swirling around in my head at the same time. My piano skills are limited to the 5 years of lessons I took when I was 5 years old and I can’t play the guitar to save my life. And so my co-writers bring life to my lyrics and my melodies by weaving the fabric of the song together underneath them.

But it’s the idea of sharing what I’ve written that makes me want to throw up just a little; it feels so vulnerable.

At this very moment my friends, Joe and Randy, are in the process of recording some of the songs we’ve co-written. I write most of the lyrics and melodies and they create the music that brings them to life. When I got married and moved away from my collaborators I didn’t want all our efforts to simply vanish into the history of our individual stories; I wanted to keep a record of the time we’d shared and record some of what we created in order to share our art with our friends and our church family. After all, we all felt like God was calling us to create these songs together… like it was what we were meant to be doing with our lives. At the same time, the prospect of sharing this stuff with anyone else is like bearing my very soul to the wolves. It feels like I’m standing naked in front of hundreds of laughing school children.

When you create any kind of art – writing, music, visual art etc. – it’s so very personal that the thought of receiving critique, or worse – ridicule – makes death feel welcome. At least it does for me. But here I go. There will be 5 songs coming on the EP currently in progress and a new draft I’ve shared on my Michelle Evans Music MySpace Page called “Why did He”, which is my first collaboration with Big Mack.

If you enjoy them, awesome. If you don’t, they weren’t written for you. I’m okay either way… or at least, I will be.

Photo: just.K on Flickr

I’ve been noticing more and more how music is a unique and vital part of my life. It’s what moves me, what relaxes me, what compels me and what frees me from the world around me.

Music has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. When I was little I’d wake up to my dad playing beautiful classical or big band jazz on his stereo; he had a giant record collection. Sometimes he would play the radio, but whatever was on added something that warmed our home and all of us in it. That’s actually one of my fondest memories of my childhood: waking up to my dad’s music and seeing him sitting at the dining table, grading papers or writing report cards.

I started playing piano when I was 6. I always grumbled about practicing, but I loved playing duets with my brother and my friend Sarah, with whom I took lessons. The first pop music I remember was the release of Michael Jackson’s Thriller album in 1983 – I was 8. Around 10 years old I was firmly enjoying the Mini-Pops, my friend’s parents’ ABBA albums and playing air guitar with the neighbourhood boys. It was also at that age that I started playing the trumpet in the school band.

Photo: papalars on Flickr

In high school I discovered my talent for singing but was way too shy to use it. I did a couple of musical productions and sung in a few school talent shows and whatnot; but mostly I stuck to my trumpet and various bands I was a part of. I played in school concert band, jazz band, orchestra, and a community band… at one point I played in all 4 at the same time. I was never a particularly great trumpet player but loved it anyway. I still didn’t enjoy practicing much – probably because the sound of a trumpet alone didn’t move me… but when I played with a full band that was when the music would awaken something in me.

I still play now.

The thing I’ve noticed about music is that it calms me in the midst of life’s turmoil, deadlines, busy-ness, and stress. It is physically impossible for me to think about other things while I play. I’m thinking about sound, tuning, the notes, the rhythm, the dynamics, the emotion… I can’t think about my work, my worries. I can’t think about my shortcomings or my failures, my insecurities or even my hopes and dreams. It’s just me and the music right there in that moment: the sweet sound of serenity.

Music has become my escape. It’s the only time I can truly turn off all the other thoughts that swirl around my head constantly. For that couple of hours every Monday night when I rehearse with my band it’s like the world fades away and I get to recharge. During those precious times when we play for an audience the expectation challenges me, awakens me, thrills me.

It’s the same, incidentally, when I sing at my church. In that moment, I feel like I was created to make music. Nothing more, nothing less. And lately I’ve been feeling a calling to write. I feel like there are songs inside of me that someone needs to hear… like a message to someone I don’t yet know.

Photo: kayugee on Flickr

I am so moved when people play a beautiful melody or sing with passion; it’s like you can see their soul… like you can hear it. Like parts of them are stripped away and all that’s left is the heart and their intentions. Even when I was very young I found myself crushing on boys who played beautiful solos because in that short span of time, they were just their authentic selves. And while at this point in my life I’ve long passed the adolescent homonal rampages, the beauty of that glimpse into a person’s soul hasn’t faded for me. It’s still something I cherish. I see it in my brother, whose gentleness emerges in the sound of his trombone; I see it in the faces of my musician friends when they play from the heart.

It’s a part of every musician… and it’s very special.

Photo: blmurch on Flickr

Every now and again I spend time sitting around singing… I know, it probably sounds nerdy. Just about everything I do probably is. I download new songs from iTunes, search YouTube to pre-listen before buying, go through songs I already have etc. Tonight I spent the evening rejuvenating my spirit doing just that. I’m so incredibly moved by music and moved by creating music, that it really is a part of who I am and I couldn’t live without it.

My band is playing a concert on December 1st at the Kay Meek Centre in West Vancouver and I’m going to sing this year. It’s been a long time since I sang anywhere out side of church and I’m struggling with song choice… hey, isn’t that what they always say on American Idol? It’s all about song choice… Anyway, back to the concert. See, it’s a “Winter Concert” and not a “Christmas Concert”. Because there are a number of different religions and many non-religious people in the band, it wouldn’t be fair to have a Christmas concert. So we’ll be playing a few Christmas tunes with other random stuff – show tunes and the like – thrown in.

Personally, I like to think of this concert as a Christmas concert, and clearly Christmas songs are not forbidden, but my family is a whole blend of various religions and I don’t want to offend. My mom is an atheist and my dad a lapsed Anglican turned mason; my mother in law is Roman Catholic and my brother and sister in law are Jehovah’s Witnesses. And I’m a born again Christian – the crazy Jesus-freak kind. Yeah, I said it.

Christmas to me means the real deal – the birth of Christ – but my biggest fear is that I’ll sing my heart out to an audience only to find stunned silence at the end, or worse, a mediocre smattering of claps.

Anyway, I’ve short listed 3 songs:

• Grown Up Christmas List (this is the one my accompanist has at this point)
• Mary Did You Know (the one my friends are gunning for me to sing)
• Breath of Heaven (one of my personal favourites forever)

I guess I feel like I’m selling out by considering Grown Up Christmas List… I mean, it’s a nice song, but one that speaks to the Santa crowd. It is heartfelt and touches the part of each human that wants world peace but still never seems to reach a passionate climax. It’s not that I think there’s anything really wrong with Santa (and world peace is, of course great), but there’s no Jesus in it… which is, in my humble opinion, what Christmas is all about. Not that this is a Christmas concert.

So I’m still undecided at this point. If you’ve read this far and know any of these songs (or had a chance to click the links and listen to them), please feel free to give me your opinion. I’m open to any and all suggestions at this point. In fact, I may just get cold feet and call the whole thing off haha… I’ve been known to do that *blush*.

Anyway, on an unrelated note… I came across an old favourite that had me bawling my eyes out by the end of it: Martina McBride’s Concrete Angel. It’s not a Christmas song, and it’s not appropriate for this concert (or any other if it will make me bawl and my nose run while singing it haha!) but it’s beautiful and always reminds me of the sadness that is interspersed throughout the faces of this world… I’ve known many who have been touched. Hope it moves you as much as it does me:

While they’re off galavanting around the lake, the woods and the water slides, I get a weekend to relax and recharge my mommy batteries.

Today is Friday evening and I have enjoyed sitting to watch the evening news while eating take-out sushi (the sushi isn’t unusual, but the news is – big-man can’t stand watching anything to do with what’s going on outside our apartment… I have yet to figure out why that is). I have also completely cleaned up and re-arranged mini-man’s room, gotten rid of a garbage bag full of my old clothes, cleaned and moved a few large toys that I’ll take to a friend this weekend, and listened to Hillsong United with Brooke Fraser singing Hosanna over and over again:

Tomorrow I plan to sleep in until at least 6am and then do whatever I want for the rest of the weekend

Here I thought I was going to be well ahead of the game with plans to get mini-man a drum kit for Christmas this year… he’ll be almost 3 by then. Maybe I should have got it last Christmas, I don’t know.

I’m amazed at how quickly kids pick stuff up if you only take the time to nurture their curiosities.

Anyway… now I find myself with far too much stuff in my head to even pick something to write coherently about. It’s all just ramblings of a crazy woman at this point. What’s the use? Tomorrow is a very exciting day. I can’t share the details with the world, but it’s something very interesting and maybe I’ll be blessed with a fantastic story to share when all is said and done.

This weekend I’m in the team leading worship at my church. I absolutely love it. I can’t think of anything I’d rather be doing than singing with this team of people. I absolutely love them, and I love singing praises to God. I am so grateful for everything I have in my life… my family and my home, my friends and my church, my job and some disposable income for extras… that is golden. Absolutely golden. Sometimes I think we can have a tendency to forget that not everyone has that. In the rat race to the top of the corporate ladder it’s really special when you find something you love doing with people around you that you love hanging out with every day. I’m really blessed to have that.

Anyway… life may be just about to take a very interesting turn. On that note, I’ll just share one of my favourite songs these days – “Remember Me” by Mark Schultz. Someone put a little slide show video to it… it’s nice.